This Planet, according to Mark..

Sick of job hunting now I am moving into the forth month of being unemployed. In that time I have discovered that its nothing to do with what’s on your resume any more.. nope.. its how well you can lie your arse off into a Job.  No way, are people are telling the truth to get a job in this day and age, and the amount of people that are lying in an interview is unreal, also just think of the lies on there CVs? Even though the vast amount of jobs don’t even look at the CVs because you have to fill out an application form with how many questions.. ?

The Question that always gets me is this… “What makes you suitable candidate for this position..?” What? What’s the matter, my CV that I have been spending hours outlining my skills and my abilities and Experience on not good enough for you?? Not only do you insult me by making me fill out a fucking application form to make me look like all the other monkeys applying, I have to now beg for a job?

But the sad fact is you have to jump throw this hoop..

IF, you get a chance to be picked for an interview, you will now go through a process. Like you’re a ready meal, being packaged for sale.. a process. What the hell do people need processes for? Oh I know.. this is that corporate bullshit again. I have worked for big companies that every morning the directors open there Corporate bull shit dictionary and use a new word like “integrate out-of-the-box niches” or “synergies” or what I kept hearing a lot in recruitment “KPI” all the funking time.. KPIs.. KPIs.. in the end it started sounding like Pies.. Pies.. and actually started making me hungry.

In an interview the interviewer will use the word “team” meaning the people he tells what to do.. he is not the leader of the X-men! Or like a lot of managers in the UK, doesn’t tell what to do, then gets annoyed when his bonus is not up, because he is a cock..

Note to any managers out there, promoting top performers will cause a huge problem in business.. they are top performers cause they got there being a cock. And this wont make them good manager, not at all… it will making them a cock in a big chair.. or a bigger cock..  see they got there standing on people, why does standing on people give you a ability to be a manager.. it just means you don’t know how to treat people, nor does it gain trust, nor the ability to get the best out of people..

So there you are sitting in front of the manager or the director of a company. They look at your CV and suddenly you’re a terrorist being interrogated for the WMDs!!

“Why did you lave your previous job.. or why are you leaving your job..”

Why do people ask that question when we all know the reason for leaving a job is one of 2 reasons.. “Sacked/Redundant or had enough..” normally its had enough.. but of late we are made redundant. So that question needs to be scrapped.. but if you do have an interview coming up, work on the answer for it, seriously think of the best answer and practice it that’s my advice.. I have been using the same answer now for the last 4 months for over 8 interviews. And I know it better than the welsh national anthem.. the other day, I actually answered the questions before the interviewer asked them.. she must have asked 2 questions..

I have 2 spelling mistakes on my CV, and its not on purpose, but I have left them there as a test. If some one brings it up in the interview, DON’T WORK FOR THEM, they will pick on everything you do.. if they don’t pick it up.. then they probably didn’t read your CV, and your not going to get the job. The Happy medium is as the read throw, they actually correct you mistake with out questioning it.. which means, there cool.. they don’t let little things in the way..

So far my theory is right.. lol.

I really cant believe the amount of bullshit out there to be honest.. Gone the days were we can just have a simple 9-5 and work. Pay bills, buy a house, grow a tree.. now we have these jobs that only rely on a system to work. The system is complex and full of dumb down out sourced jobs that make no sense job titles. We all have to be some sort of, either robots or very underpaid Alan Sugars ready to be made redundant or reapply for our jobs if things are tuff…  Bosses are constantly pushing you to the limits and if you “don’t fit in” then you pretty much, may as well, leave. Your life will be hell if you don’t. Interviews have turned into some sort of Apprentice game show bull, that you have to jump throw rings to get a job, keep a job, get promotion or “your fired!”

Honestly is getting that job, that worth it?  I know we are in tuff times, but Jesus..

So here I am, with my confidence Knocked left right and centre, and all I can do is get in the queue like everyone else.. everyone else is doing the same thing as me, calling companies, get in front of people, the local council had 4 people waiting to see HR when I popped in yesterday, all doing what I was doing..

There is no such thing as a career or a job for life. You are what you have been doing lately. And no amount of transferable skills will help you change career.. Yes we are in tuff times, but fack that, we will never be in good times again.. the board director is now the true god, bow down and you may get a salary.. Bow down and open wide.. they may throw in a company car..